MOON RIVER (not wider than a mile)

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I jogged through downtown Chicago tonight. Running usually lifts my spirits, releases any stress and brings immediate piece of mind. On this particular evening, however, I just felt discouraged. Lonely. Confused. Restless. All emotions I expected to settle in eventually after my move, but none of which I felt like sifting through yet.

So I slowed down, eventually to just a walk. I wandered the city and began to question, for the first time, my decision to move to this place. The little fish/big pond was getting to me, at least professionally. All I do all day long is search for work, and it isn't clear if I will have enough money to pay for my class that begins next week, which is a giant piece of this whole scattered puzzle. I walked and walked and walked, hoping the more unfamiliar territory I covered, the more it would feel like I belong here.

I brought a camera with me to catch dusk on a Chicago September evening, so as I neared home, I stopped on the bridge to take some pictures of the city. I leaned over the rail and stared at the river. I wondered, naively perhaps, if the river connects to the Mississippi in some capacity or another.

I watched the reflection of the buildings on the water. I thought about the Mississippi, and the way it reflects the Arch. I thought about home and my family. I thought about the old bar, and my former 'family' there. I thought about my dog and Crazy Bowls & Wraps. I thought about my favorite counter guy at Jimmy John's. I thought about the Royale and how the randomness of the menus always seemed to match the random music playing. I thought about the voice in my old elevator, Ellie as I called her, and the cheerful way she used to say "Gewing Up!" as the doors closed. I thought about my friends, and the way we used to see each other, before life and a multitude of other things clouded everything up.

I stared down at the water, searching for my own reflection...instead I just watched the images of the buildings wave and ripple in the wind. I thought about the way things are now, the way I am now. Everything is so different. I wondered if I had changed or if everyone else did. Or if we had all just adapted and reacted as best we could to circumstance, and this is just the way life goes...in waves and ripples.



[some of my city seconds on camera]